Million Years Ago ~

I only wanted to have fun
Learning to fly, learning to run
I let my heart decide the way
When I was young
Deep down, I must have always known
That this would be inevitable
To earn my stripes, I'd have to pay
And bare my soul

I know I'm not the only one
Who regrets the things they've done
Sometimes I just feel it's only me
Who can't stand the reflection that they see
I wish I could live a little more
Look up to the sky, not just the floor
I feel like my life is flashing by
And all I can do is watch and cry
I miss the air, I miss my friends
I miss my mother, I miss it when
Life was a party to be thrown
But that was a million years ago

When I walk around all of the streets
Where I grew up and found my feet
They can't look me in the eye
It's like they're scared of me
I try to think of things to say
Like a joke or a memory
But they don't recognize me now
In the light of day

11.41pm

Kedah, Malaysia

Rainy Days in December

A girl asked me, "why is it that despite how big my love is, he still left?"

I answered, "because it's not enough."

"Why?"

I couldn't look at her in the eyes so I stared at my hand instead. "Because he doesn't love you anymore."

And then she was silent for a long time. I didn't hear another word, so when I summoned the strength to finally look at her, relief washed through me when I saw that she wasn't crying. Instead she was staring at the pink sky with a blank expression, maybe thinking of a hundred things and asking the stars starting to show up a thousand questions. I did the same thing and looked above the clouds.

"Because, you know, it's not about how much we love the person." I started, remembering things. "It's not even about how happy we were or how perfect we felt when we're with them. When people fall out of love, I learned that they kind of drift away, like an island being separated to another. Something just stands between the both of you and everything just won't reach them anymore like it used to. You can shout all you want, you can tell her you love her a million times, but the gap's too much that the wind can no longer carry your voice. 

And while you're busy scrambling for scraps just to light a fire and send a signal, they're starting over on their own, building a new hut and planting new trees. 

I honestly don't know how they can do that knowing they left someone behind, but I eventually stopped wondering and just started to work on my own island. Everyday I would water my plants and decorate my home, hoping it'll be beautiful enough that when someone eventually comes around, she'll just choose to stay everyday and we can watch a million sunsets on the shore."

There was silence for a moment and then she whispered, "that sounds beautiful."

I smiled, looking at the stars. "It is." 

—Jun Mark Patilan 

Its okay not to be okay

 As time goes by,

tears streamed down because of the wound that can't be healed.

Not being able to bear it, I cry.

But why does it sit deep as if there's fire  burning inside me?

If I were a child, and cried in pain,

my mother would call for a physician.

If I were a child, 

my mother would bring me a cold water for my burning heart.

If I were a child and was sick,

a good night's sleep would wash it.

However, since I'm not a child 

the wounds keep digging deeper inside.

If only I were a child.

- Soo San